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((FOR THE EYES OF A SHRINK ONLY))
Other folks, please read at your own risk. Do I have your interest?
As a shrink, you really need to have several quotes at the ready–quotes possessing wisdom. Folks come to see you for wisdom, believe it or not. This is a piece of wisdom taught to me by my mentor. When folks come to see a shrink, they expect shrinks to have some wisdom. I’ll present some of the gems that I have acquired over the years. These are few and far between. I don’t learn these very often. I quote myself here a couple of times. I hope that’s not too vain. Are you a non-shrink and still reading? Hmmmmm. (Shrink raises one eyebrow, and then looks away while observing non-verbal behavior out of the corner of his eye).
ANGER
“No man is ever made braver through anger, except the one who would never have been brave without anger. It comes, then, not as a help to virtue, but as a substitute for it. And is it not true that if anger were a good, it would come naturally to those who are the most perfect? But the fact is, children, old men, and the sick are most prone to anger, and weakness of any sort is by nature captious.”1
“Be ye angry, and sin not.” (Ephisians 4:26).
“If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase.” (Epictetus).
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” (Chinese Proverb).
“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” 2
“Anger is part of being human. You’ll never get to a place where you’re never angry. That doesn’t happen for humans. At times, anger drives us to address things that we would not otherwise. So, it can be a positive motivation at times. You can tell it’s not positive by thinking about whether the other person is put beneath you as a human being. If so, then you are out of line.” — The Country Shrink
SUICIDE
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” (Author unknown)
“Folks who commit suicide make it more likely that their children or relatives will do the same. There is nothing more harmful to family members than for one of the family members to commit suicide. I’ve worked with people who had a family member commit suicide as a child. There are few traumas that are worse.” –The Country Shrink
…. To Be Continued–You didn’t expect me to reveal all of the scant wisdom I have in one post, did you? ….
What, you’re not a shrink and you’re still reading? For shame. For shame. Who woulda thought it?
1 http://praxeology.net/seneca2.htm
2 http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/29885.html
Some concepts in psychology are very difficult to explain. Part of the reason is that some concepts apply to one individual, but not to another. One of the challenges of being a shrink, is being patient enough to figure it out. Another thing is, that when you see a new patient, you never know for sure how long they will stick around.
What if the first session is the only session? Do you want to work to make it maximally therapeutic? But will that cause them to only come in for one session?
I find that as a shrink I have to pay attention to what I’m thinking and feeling and what I’m saying to a patient. If I find myself trying to convince a patient to stay in treatment for the long-term, I’ve very liked picked up on, an unconscious level, that they may well not stay in treatment. So far, every time I’ve noticed myself doing this, the patient doesn’t stay in treatment for very long.
They seem to stay a little longer if I point this fact out when I notice myself doing this, and we analyze their historical patterns for sticking with things. But still, it often ends up being a short-term treatment, when I think it really needs to be a longer term treatment. Perhaps, with time, I will figure out how to address these patterns in such a way that these folks stay in treatment.
As some examples, I’ve worked with a number of folks who have only seen a ‘therapist’ (I hate that term), for one to three sessions. Often they’ve seen several therapists for this many sessions. When I encounter this, I try to analyze the reasons why this occurs with the patient. Often, my experience is that that will stay two to four times longer in treatment with me, but then they drop out.
This is difficult for a shrink (or me), because I want to see good outcomes in every case. But this field teaches me on a daily basis to know my limits, and to strive for more understanding. So, while I strive to help my patients change their life patterns, I try to improve the patterns that I have with my patients. In the end, I am human, and make mistakes on a daily basis. Unfortunately, that is part of the human condition. All I can do, and you can do, is to work to see what mistakes have been made in the past, and work to prevent them from occurring again in the future.
You may be able to ‘be your own shrink to some extent.’ I’ll tell you why I call myself a shrink. It’s probably different than most. I look at my role as ’shrinking’ the significance of the negatives in a person’s life. In psychotherapy, this is done in two ways. The first is releasing the emotion attached to negative experiences (Freud called this catharsis), and the second way is by adding as many positive things as possible to a person’s life.
Almost anyone can do the second thing, and I’ll tell you why it is so important. When you add something positive to your life, you ’shrink’ the significance of the negatives. The reason is that your life is no longer made up of ‘all negatives,’ but also now includes positives. This may be something very enjoyable that you can do. This may be something that brings you satisfaction and fulfillment. It may be your religious beliefs. Regardless of what it is, you want to add positives to your life. It gives you something to look forward to when times are bad, and allows you to ’shrink’ the significance of the negatives.
Now, you can’t completely ‘be your own shrink,’ but you can do the ’shrinking’ that I talked about earlier. You can shrink the negatives by comparison, but for help with shrinking the negatives, you may need a professional to help you do that.
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